Relationships, when there’s love, can always be worked out.
However, love alone is not enough. Each person has to be willing to grow into the relationship and do the expansion it asks of them.
Neither can a relationship be without pain or conflict. A good one will lift you up and improve your life, but it’s important to know that some pain within a relationship is inevitable, normal and even good for you.
The Key is to know is that there’s a right kind of pain and a wrong kind of pain.
The right kind of pain will invite you to look inside yourself, expand, grow, and be the best you can be.
The wrong kind of pain will ask you to be less than you are, to want less than you want, and will make you feel as if you are shrinking.
If your relationship or your partner is asking you to be more mature, more compassionate, more understanding, more effective in your life, more mindful of your actions, to take more responsibility, to step up more, to open more – and this asking hurts – this is the right kind of pain.
If you heed the invitation of this pain, your life – and your relationship – will get much better as a result.
If instead you want to walk away, you have the right to do so. However each relationship you enter, where there’s love, will ask you to grow in the same ways. You will face the same issues again and again, until you are willing to grow.
But if your relationship or partner is asking you to feel less, to want less, to ask for less of yourself and of your partner, to communicate less, to be less creative, less intense, less aware, less certain, less of yourself – this is the wrong kind of pain and is cause to reevaluate your relationship.
Sometimes the right kind of pain will ask you to be less of something, such as reactive, and the wrong kind of pain will ask you to be more of something, such as giving to a point that is unhealthy.
The distinction is that healthy pain in relationships has a purpose, and is a growing pain. If you are feeling pain because you are being asked to shrink, it’s time to check in to see if you are in the right relationship.
Can you tell if you are experiencing the right kind of pain, that will lead to a deeper relationship, or the wrong kind of pain, that will lead to a break up? If you are not certain, let’s talk and I will help you understand what’s going on in your relationship.
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