All relationships go through predictable stages as they grow and develop, with specific relationship issues and dynamics at each stage. This is especially true for romantic relationships.
What stage is your relationship or marriage in? Or if you are single or divorced, at what stage do your relationships always end, and why?
Even if your relationship or marriage seems at the peak of passion, chaotic and out of control, at a stalemate or in equilibrium, it is at a predictable stage and there are more stages for it to reach.Identifying the stages of your relationship and the issues, stumbling blocks, and joys of each stage will tell you what to do about the stage you are in – or the stage you get stuck in.
Using the suggestions for action in each stage of the relationship will save you the heartbreak and struggle. In taking the suggested action you will get more passion and love in your relationship or marriage.
Stage 1: The Honeymoon
According to love songs and fairy tales, this stage is what love is supposed to be like. You meet, you connect, you fall in love. Everything seems right. Nothing seems out-of-place. Even if some things don’t seem right, you are full of hope they will work themselves out.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage can start from day one, but it’s usually in effect within the first month and can last between three and six months.
The joy: You feel more alive, more expanded, more in touch with life, beauty, joy, spirituality, and yourself. You have hope. You feel exhilarated, or at least excited. You have fun. These are wonderful feelings and should be celebrated and enjoyed.
The stumbling block: You may overlook whether your partner is truly compatible with you and rush into the depth of the relationship too soon and/or with the wrong person. And this, in turn, can mean the relationship may end abruptly and you may get seriously hurt.
The Warning: If you are in a relationship that is less than 3 months old, no matter how much time you have spent together, or how bonded you feel, you are in the Honeymoon stage.
What to do: You need to figure out if the person you are with is compatible with and right for you. This means you need to first take stock of whom you need your partner to be in order to be compatible with you and be your natural match.
Help for you: Look for my Whom Are You Dating ecourse soon to help you (Get newsletter here to be notified about the ecourse). Work with me as your dating coach, and I will teach you how discern whom you need to be in a relationship with. Then I will show you how to clearly see whom you are dating, ask questions without offending the other person and what kind of conversations you need to have with people you are dating and why.
Coaching Tip: While you are figuring out if the person you are with is the right person for you, enjoy and have fun. Go very slowly, stay in the here and now, and don’t dream or even talk of a future together. If you are right for each other, there is no reason to rush in — you will have a lifetime together. If you are wrong for each other, you will save yourself much heartache by not rushing in or building up hopes for the future.
Stage 2: The Discovery
During this stage, the initial excitement of being together fades somewhat and you can begin to see who the other person is in ordinary life. You and your partner begin to discover each others quirks and neurosis, and you uncover things that bug you about each other. You also begin to discover what you truly love and respect about one another. Your communication should deepen as you begin to open up to each other.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage starts between three and six months and can last for a number of years, depending on how comfortable the couple is with self-disclosure and how fast or slowly the couple progresses into emotional intimacy.
The joy: The joy is the discovery: you are close enough to be able to truly glimpse the other person, his or her vulnerabilities, beauty, even quirks. The joy is also in seeing evidence that you have chosen the right person (if in fact you have such evidence), as well as in deeper communication and budding emotional intimacy.
The stumbling block: You may begin to discover things that drive you crazy about each other. You may also discover that the two of you do things in very different fashion, or have vastly different interests. This is the time to choose in or out, and you may not want to choose.
The Warning: If you are finding your relationship partner is not the right partner for you, choose out. You can not make your partner fit into what you want him or her to be. If you can not choose out, learn to be with and enjoy exactly whom or how your partner is.
What to do: This is THE time to figure out if you are with the right person. If you wait much longer, you are almost guaranteed heartbreak. This is not something you can just spontaneously know. If you did not get this done yet, you very much need to take stock of whom you need your partner to be in order to be compatible with you and be your natural match. You then need to see if in fact your partner is in fact a good natural match for you.
Help for you: Look for my Whom Are You Dating ecourse soon to help you (Get newsletter here to be notified about the ecourse). Work with me as your relationship coach and I will help you discover if you are with the right person for you and help you make a healthy relationship decision accordingly.
Coaching Tip: While you are in the process of discovery, appreciate the person for who he or she is. If you are finding your partner is right for you, allow your heart to open to connection, without losing yourself. If you are feeling that perhaps you two are not right for each other, honor your partner and what the two of you have shared.
Stage 3: The Commitment
This is the stage most singles fantasize about — the place where the relationship is settled, you know you are together, and you can finally relax. This is the stage most couples try to rush into or pretend they are at. It is a wonderful stage, but rather than an end of a process, it is only the beginning. In many ways, a relationship does not truly begin until a couple commits to each other.
When it starts and how long it lasts: The Commitment Stage starts once each person decides to deeply commit to each other, to live together or get married, or to move into another form of deep commitment.
The joy: The joy is the sense of having arrived and no longer having to strive to win your partner. The joy is in the discovery of who your partner is when committed to you, because commitment brings out a change in the behavior of each person. The joy is having someone to watch movies with, cook dinner with, hang out with and do ordinary things with. The joy is having a person you love to share a life with.
The stumbling block: Many people begin to take each other for granted during this stage. Because they have arrived, they begin to pay less attention to the relationship and to their partner. And because one of the benefits we seek from a relationship is attention from our partner, when it lags, problems begin. The other stumbling block is that you may not pay enough attention to communication. Issues that need to be communicated may fall by the wayside because you are afraid of rocking the boat. These issues will come back to haunt the relationship later.
The Warning: Deciding to be sexually monogamous and date exclusively is not the kind of commitment I am talking about here. The dating exclusively is the start of commitment that happens in the discovery stage. It is the try before you buy type of commitment. Don’t settle into the Commitment stage before it’s time, or you will skip over critical relationship building steps.
What to do: Make communication with each other a priority right now, as this is the best foundation for your relationship. Most people don’t know what true communication in a relationships means or how to actively implement it. Yet the success of the relationship, and continuing the happiness you now share, depend on both of your abilities to communicate with each other. Here’s the key: communicate what you need from each other and listen to each other when communicating.
Help for you: Look for my Essential Communication eCourse for Couples coming soon (Get newsletter here to be notified about the ecourse). Work with me as your relationship coach to help you learn to effectively communicate with each other. Or to learn to communicate with your partner, work with me on your own.
Coaching Tip: With good communication there will be even more of the good stuff – love, joy, closeness, intimacy, and passion. Focus on your communication and listening as if your relationship depends on it – it does! Also, here’s a book that will help any and every couple.
Stage 4: The Power Struggle
This is the stage at which most couples split up. The power struggle can be a gut-wrenching, painful place for a couple to be. This can be a time of arguments or silence, a time that will test the couple’s love. Couples at this stage wonder how they got here since it can come on unexpectedly out of nowhere. This can be a shocking stage for a couple.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage can start as soon as the commitment is solidified — when the couple makes a deep commitment, gets married, moves in together, etc., or soon thereafter. It can last until the couple breaks up, or for many years. Or the couple can find a way to work through this stage and move into the next stages of the relationship.
The joy: There is not much joy in this stage. The joy may be in the periods when you are not power struggling and are enjoying each others company. The other joy is in not arguing, or resolving an argument quickly, even some of the time.
The stumbling block: There are two primary stumbling blocks. One is that when couples get to this stage they do not realize it is a normal stage for all relationships, and that they can get through it. Instead, the couple thinks something is wrong – perhaps they are no longer compatible or they no longer love each other. The second stumbling block is that the couple can get stuck in this stage, with one or both partners being unwilling to move forward. This will eventually wear the relationship down until it ends.
The Warning: The power struggle will not go away on it’s own. It will not get resolved with time or with giving each other space. The power struggle is actually something the two of you have to actively work through. Both of you will need to change in order go get through this stage and save your relationship.
What to do: There are no simple solutions to a power struggle in a relationship. It’s a complicated phenomenon that is inevitable. But it is resolvable. If you love each other, it is worth time and energy to resolve it. After all, if you don’t do it in this relationship, it will just happen in your next relationship.
How do you take apart and resolve the power struggle in your relationship?
First, both of you need to work through my PatternTracker eCourse in order to see the source of the power struggle for both of you. This will help you see what is going on with each other and what each of you can do to improve the relationship immediately. Taking this eCourse and working through it will reduce the “power” part of the struggle.
Once you figure out what “powers” the power struggle, how do you resolve it?
You both need to learn from my Essential Communication for Couples eCourse to create loving, impeccable communication with each other. Healthy, relationship-healing communication is a skill, and this skill will help you talk your way out of a power struggle.
Finally, once your communication has improved you need to know how to take away the issues that perpetuate the power struggle.
Both of you need to work through my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. This eCourse will take you to the heart of what perpetuates the power struggle and will help you to resolve it.
At this point in your relationship you will follow one of two tracks. A couple who has negotiated the power struggle successfully will follow Track One, below. A couple who did not negotiate the power struggle successfully will follow Track Two, also below.
Track One: After the power struggle is resolved
Stage 5: Growth
It takes a lot of soul searching, self-discovery, intimacy work and deepened communication to break out of the power struggle and move beyond it. Now both partners must grow emotionally for the relationship to thrive. Those who are committed to their relationship do grow, no matter what may be required of them. Think of this period as your second chance to create the relationship you have always wanted with a partner you have always wanted to be with.
When it starts and how long it lasts: Growth is an ongoing state of any relationship, but it will be more intense at some times than at others. After a power struggle, the couple will experience a “growth spurt” with a period of intense growth lasting from six months to a year or longer.
The joy: The joy is in the results of the growth. The more each of you grows, the more intimacy you are able to share with one another. The more intimate you become, the more in love you become. The more love you feel for each other, the more joyful you become.
The stumbling block: Growth can be terrifying and confusing. You may know what you need to change in your behavior, but you may be afraid to make the changes. Or you may have no idea how to make the changes. The same thing may apply to your partner.
What to do: Find a way to grow — together and separately — on purpose. To keep your relationship vital, you both must mature and develop emotionally.
How do you grow on purpose, developing yourself emotionally?
Begin by looking at how you tend to sabotage relationships. Each one of us has our own way of sabotaging love, hurting the one we love and ending up alone. To have power over this part of yourself, discover exactly what it is and where it comes from. Both of you should take my Pattern Tracker eCourse to find out your patterns of sabotaging love, so that they no longer impact your relationship.
Once you discover what you do to impact your relationship, how do you continue to grow?
Check your communication. Can you read each other well? Do you know how to listen to each other, how to communicate so that love permeates your relationship? Chances are you do not have communication mastered. Most people do not. My Essential Couples Communication eCourse will show you how to become master communicators with each other.
What else do you need to do to grow on purpose, helping your relationship thrive?
Safeguard and grow your intimacy by eliminating the number one killer of intimacy and relationships – resentment. Take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse to learn to eliminate resentment from your relationship, growing more in love with each other as a result.
Stage 6: The Second Honeymoon
It’s not that there will never be hard work or hard times again, but you have reached a new stage in your relationship – a stage where you cherish and treasure each other, appreciate the good, and accept the bad. You have bonded, connected, joined. Now this is what love is all about.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage starts sometime after the power struggle is over and can be intermittent or ongoing. In the best possible scenario it will last until the end.
The joy: It is almost all joy — the joy of connection at a level you have dreamed about. It is a joy to share your life with your partner in a deep way.
The stumbling block: The stumbling block is that you don’t expect your connection to be broken. It is solid yet flexible now and can allow for much stress and change. Yet, as you both are human, it will be broken at times.
What to do: Remember what brought you to this wonderful place and keep tending to your relationship by continuing to develop yourself and your relationship.
It is not unusual for couples at this stage to still have issues. The couple has learned how to forgive the issues, but the issues will still wear on the relationship. Handle the left-over issues and both of you will be happier, more satisfied. Don’t handle them, and in time you risk spiraling into the power struggle stage again.
What kind of issues might you still face and what can you do about them?
If you have communication issues, both take my Essential Communication for Couples eCourse. Learn to communicate with each other in a way that heals and improves your relationship with every conversation.
What other issues might you still face and what can be done about these?
You might still struggle with resentment, lack of support from each other, having to ask each other something over and over. To deal with this, both take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. In it you will learn how to resolve those nagging issues and truly have bliss.
Are there any other issues that might get in the way of your happiness?
If you have any concern whatsoever about being able to keep your relationship in its currently blissful state, take my PatternTracker eCourse to make sure that all of the ways you might sabotage your relationship are brought to light and handled.
Stage 7: “The Child”
A “child” can be a real child or it can be an idea, business, or passionate involvement on which both of you are focused. This can be as simple as the value you place on living your life as a couple, or as intricate as being involved in a cause or a political campaign. Or, of course, it can be parenthood with all of its complexities.
When it starts and how long it lasts: Ideally, the couple has a real, flesh-and-blood child only when they are through the power struggle and are into the second honeymoon. But for many couples, this stage happens throughout the relationship.
The joy: The joy is in sharing a third entity you created together or are both passionate about. The joy is learning and working together. The joy is also seeing different aspects of each other as you get passionately involved in the “other” entity.
The stumbling block: The stumbling block will be learning to work together and becoming a team. It can be hard to share responsibility. Often both partners will think their way of doing something is THE right way.
What to do: To make the job of “parenting” and teamwork easier on your relationship, learn to communicate, work together, negotiate, compromise and deal with disappointment effectively.
How do you learn to communicate effectively?
Essential Communication for Couples eCourse will help you learn to communicate with each other and read each other effectively. The communication skills you will learn, many exclusive to this eCourse, are essential to reaping the joy of “parenthood”.
How do you learn to negotiate and compromise without disappointment?
Both of you should take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. In this eCourse you will learn how to effectively work through and let go of disappointment, maintaining your love and connection.
Stage 8: Life Crisis
Very few people live a charmed life without crises. Whether it is a job or career change, or a move to a new city or country, whether forced or willingly chosen, change feels like a life crisis. Whether it is declining health or a sudden illness of your spouse or another loved one, serious health issues can be life crises. If your property or your financial situation is threatened, dealing with and resolving the issues can feel like a life crisis. If you have far too many demands on you and not enough time or space to fulfill them, you may feel as if you are in a life crisis. What affects you deeply affects your relationship.
When it starts and how long it lasts: Life crises can happen at any time, but with care can get handled in a timely manner and not overtake the relationship. Life crises can also happen more than once in the course of a relationship as the couple grows, develops, and matures together.
The joy: If there is joy in a life crisis it is that by now you should be able to mobilize quickly as a team to deal with whatever situation arises. Often there is also a deeper bonding that occurs in crisis — and that can be a nourishing kind of joy as well.
The stumbling block: The nature of crisis is that there are many stumbling blocks, not the least of them being one or both partners being less available to the other for a time. This can be extreme, such as in an illness, or temporary and somewhat mild, such as in financial worries or the stress of starting a business. The difficult part is not having each other to always count upon just when you need each other most.
What to do: As much as possible, stay connected. Crises can be a time of increased tension, irritability and frustration. It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking tension out on your partner. At the same time, your expectations of your partner may be higher at this time, while he or she may be less available to respond to you. This can cause relationship-damaging resentments.
How do you prevent stress from turning into resentment and eroding your relationship?
Both of you should take my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. Learn how to deal with your stress, your partner’s unavailability, and the feelings you are experiencing, in a way that is healing and intimacy-fostering.
Then, work on looking at the positive aspects of your life. Work on being grateful for all that is yours in spite of the crisis. This will help you both to get through the crisis more effectively.
Beyond Stage 8: Life Happens
What happens after your relationship has touched on all eight stages? Life happens to a more mature, seasoned, happy and vibrant couple. You move together and separately through your life and know when you need to connect and when you need time apart. You know how to meet each other’s needs and seek increasingly deeper connection. Your relationship is the rock, the wellspring of love in your life.
Couples who did not negotiate the power struggle successfully will follow Track Two, described below.
Track Two: The aftermath of unresolved power struggle
Stage 5: Anger
If the power struggle is not negotiated successfully, at some point one or both partners give up struggling. They do not give up on the issues, however, or on their needs or their positions. They simply give up struggling. Because nothing has been resolved during or after the power struggle, they only have one choice – anger. Anger can look obvious and belligerent, or quiet and passive. Either way, it is unmistakable.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage starts after the power struggle has gone on too long. One or both partners have burned out from repeatedly not getting their needs met. This often does not start for years; but once it has started, it is very difficult to turn around.
The joy: There is not much joy in anger.
The stumbling block: One or both people can be depressed, numb and miserable – a difficult place from which to effect change. This stage can kill a relationship. This is one of the stages where people tend to have affairs.
What to do: You will not be able to successfully negotiate this stage without help. What kind of help do you need specifically?
You need help dealing with anger and resentment in your relationship. Do this by working through my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. You alone may be interested in improving the relationship. If so, then work through this eCourse yourself and then bring what you learn into the relationship.
What other kind of help do you need?
Working with me as your coach can be very effective at this stage, even if you are the only one getting coaching. I can help you by being there for you and by helping you learn effective strategies for bringing anger and resentment down and building love up in your relationship.
If you suspect an affair or there has been an affair, go to www.NoMoreHeartBreak.com for more help.
Stage 6: Peace with a price
Even anger can burn out after a while, leaving behind nothing but silence and often indifference. The couple, if they have made it together this far, will typically live parallel but separate lives. They will still interact on necessary issues, such as child rearing and household responsibilities, but will share little else. They will finally have peace, no longer demanding anything from the other, but love and passion may be all but lost.
When it starts and how long it lasts: This stage can take years to develop and is often found in long-term marriages and relationships. Once in this stage, the couple normally does not grow out of it, unless something shakes them up.
The joy: At least there is peace.
The stumbling block: One or both partners may be having affairs, which makes reconciliation much more difficult. One or both may have built too much of a separate life to allow for change and improvement.
What to do: If you are in this stage and miserable, get help. There may still be hope, but you will not be able to make changes without help.
What kind of help do you need?
Working with me as your coach can be very effective in this stage. We can work on both giving you support and helping you figure out what, if anything, can still be done to save your relationship. Even if your partner is not willing to do anything to improve the relationship, you can still make things much better for yourself. There is a way to be genuinely happy even in this situation, but you will need support and coaching to find your way.
If one or both of you is having an affair, go to www.NoMoreHeartBreak.com for more help.
Stage 7: “The Child”
A “child” can be a real child or it can be an idea, business, or an involvement both people share. For a couple on track two such involvement or an actual child is rarely a choice. It is either something that binds them together out of circumstances, or it is something one partner devised in an attempt to keep the other one from leaving or straying too far.
When it starts and how long it lasts: For many couples, this stage can be the last attempt to save the relationship. This stage can happen any time the relationship is deeply threatened.
The joy: The joy is the actual entity you create together, especially if it is a child. This third entity holds the hope for changing your relationship dynamics.
The stumbling block: A child, or a mutual involvement, will not save the relationship without addressing the deeper unresolved issues from the power struggle.
What to do: Work through the underlying, unresolved issues in your relationship. You guessed it – in order to negotiate this stage successfully you have to go back and resolve your power struggle.
How do you resolve the power struggle in your relationship?
First, both of you need to work through my PatternTracker eCourse in order to see the source of the power struggle for both of you. This will help you see what is going on with each other and what each of you can do to immediately improve the relationship. Taking this eCourse and working through it will reduce the “power” part of the struggle.
Once you figure out what “powers” the power struggle, how do you resolve it?
You both need to learn from my Essential Communication for Couples eCourse to create loving, impeccable communication with each other. Healthy, relationship-healing communication is a skill, and this skill will help you talk your way out of a power struggle.
Finally, once your communication has improved you need to know to take away the issues that perpetuate the power struggle.
Both you need to work through my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. This eCourse will take you to the heart of what perpetuates the power struggle and will help you to resolve it.
Stage 8: Life Crisis
Very few people live a charmed life without life crises. When your relationship is in ongoing crisis, actively or silently, change of even small magnitude can feel like a life crisis. True life crises, such as health or financial issues can be downright overwhelming.
When it starts and how long it lasts: Life crises can happen at any time.
The joy: If there is joy in a life crisis it is the chance to shake your relationship up, and perhaps remind each of you how important the other one is or used to be. It maybe your last chance to save your relationship.
The stumbling block: Because you are already in crisis, any additional crisis runs a risk of immobilizing you. You may no longer be able to function within the relationship. You or your partner may simply leave.
What to do: You should use this time as an opportunity to support each other and reconnect. In order to do this genuinely, you must still resolve all of the unresolved issues between you. This is difficult when there is a life crisis looming, but necessary if the two of you will survive as a couple. One of you might need to begin this work by him or herself and bring the other one along midway.
How do you resolve the unresolved issues at this stage of your relationship?
First, get and work through my PatternTracker eCourse in order to see the source of the relationship issues between the two of you.
Then learn from my Essential Communication for Couples eCourse to have powerful, effective communication with your partner. Don’t wait on this one – effective communication is essential in life crises.
What else must you do in order to save your relationship at this stage?
Study my Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourse. This eCourse will take you to the heart of what perpetuates your relationship issues and will help you start resolving those issues in the relationship.
If the crisis is an affair, go to www.NoMoreHeartBreak.com for more help.
Beyond Stage 8: Life Happens, But Separately
What happens to a couple who never resolves the power struggle? They may go their separate ways. They may stay together but effectively live separate lives, and be involved in other relationships. One of both may stay and suffer silently, holding on to the hope that something will change.
If you are in this stage, you need to learn how to make yourself happy regardless of your relationship status. You need to learn how to deeply take care of yourself and how to work through all of the negative feelings left over from years of struggling in your relationship.
How do you learn to take care of yourself, make yourself happy, and resolve your feelings when your relationship has died?
I can help you by coaching you to get yourself back, better than before, regardless of your relationship situation. It can be done and has been done. You can be happy.
What stage are you in with your relationship?
Leave your comments below.
Be well and happy!
Love Coach Rinatta Paries
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I liked this article a lot, I think i think it can help anyone who is in live, is about to fall for it or is in any of the other stages
THANK YOU!!!!! This was so useful and helpful to read, even if just to help be more aware of the nature of human relationships. Thank you for making this available for free!
I love your article real good and God will continue to bless you more and more.
Keep it up.
that’s amazing to know that this things that I’m going thru is normall wit every relationship, thanks. I’ll forward this to all of my frnds.
Thank you so much for this article! My boyfriend and I are stuck in a “rut” right now and knowing that this happens in every relationship is a huge relief. I thought it was just my relationships. I now have a new found hope for us.
what a great article ! i was looking for answers an found some great tools along the way .. i will definatlyy be reading it again.. my relationship is amazing even tho its onlt the first 3 months i found out yesterday that im sharing my gfs luvv with other ex bf’s .. shes no longer sleeping with them and theres no cheating but shes got a deep luv and connection with them still… its a first for me so i wasnt sure how to take it … but i can see its just me being silly and im willing to trust her and share her luv with her ex bfs ..
Doug, I was in the same position as your girlfriend. In time she will start to distance herself from them. She shared a deep connection with them and that is always something that is hard to break. I will always share a deep connection with my ex boyfriends but I realized in order to be in a new healthy relationship I had to let myself give it to my new boyfriend. It took a long time for me to realize this but in time it will happen.
Wow, this article really helped me out. I believe my Fiancé and I are directly between “The Commitment” and “The Power Struggle”. I honestly had no idea what was happening, because I love my Fiancé so very much, but recently we have started having a few “moments”. Luckily one of the things we are good at is talking our way through the rough patches and getting back to the good times! Once again, thank you!
This article really helped!
What a great article Rinatta!! Thank you for directing me to it! I will bookmark this and read more later.
The stages are very true indeed , how come none of these marraige counsellors tell you this ? so much for experts ! my marraige split up in the power struggle stage , we married in our 20,s , had 2 kids , got careers , were very much in love , to be honest my career went a bit lopsided and hers on the up , I suppose the dynamic changed when she started earning more than me , her attitude towards me changed , almost condescending , I probably reacted badly to this and communication died , the hardest thing is that now she doesn,t recognise I exist and although our sons are our common bond , its as if I am dead to her , there wasn,t any abuse ,or cheating in our marraige , not even many rows , its 3 years now , finding it difficult to move on , rebounded for a while but that was transient , this article has explained a few things to me so thanks for that , maybe its time to let go completely as forelorn hope is exasperating and lonliness is a killer . Its like being a young person again without the good looks now that once attracted a partner , which is soul destroying.
I really appreciate this article! Thanks a lot for coming up with it! I was a whole lot lost for a few weeks now and couldnt understand what was going on!! But now i am confident and reassured that we can work it out.. We are in a relationship for about a year now and it is our first year of college now. We are no longer close to each other now and havent even met for two months now.. And lately since our classes have started the struggle phase has started. Thanks for the article again!
I am very young to be thinking about marriage and building a life together but the guy i have been seeing for the last four months is a fantastic person and I am very passionate about him and I care for him deeply. We have already been through a very hard time while he went through a tough experience. I feel like he’s the one but I don’t want to rush into it if i’m wrong.
This is a nice blog for me. I have not been in a very deep and serious relationship lately. I was involved in one, but ended up not in a manner that I have planned. Perhaps my insensitivity have caused our downfall.
Jaci, The eclasses are created for an individual – even the ones on issues for couples. That way, you – the person who wants change – can work through the eclass and bring what you learn into the relationship. This is done because so often in relationships only one person wants change, while the other one resists.
Of coarse, if you choose to do the eclass as a couple, it will be so much better for your relationship!
How do the E classes work? Do you read through the classes as a couple, together or individually? How do you interact with each other(the couple)? I’m not completely understanding how it works, even after I read the Full Description given on the web site.
This is one of my very favorite articles – I have requested it several times when I’ve misplaced my copy.
My most recent request was so that I could give it to my daughter. She is 23 and earlier this yr. met a nice guy who she has flipped her lid for – I thought this article would be of great help to them as they go along. My daughter got engaged yesterday!
Well this morning my b/f of 2 years tells me it has taken him this long to figure out we aren’t compatable. I think it’s when our relationship got “comfortable” and I didn’t get the same type of attention and affection so I panicked thinking he was having an affair and in turn, always looking for signs to verify that. He complains I’m always “on him” about something.And he is probably right, it’s because I feel something is wrong and I’m just trying to figure out what that is and how to fix it.There was so much love and affection between us…where could it have gone? I’m hoping he will read this article of yours and agree to take courses to save our relationship or at least try. Thanks
WOW! What a fantastic article. This portion of the website alone makes me a believer in anything else you have to say. It has been nine years of marriage for me and my husband. We got through every stage up to the power struggle phase. When I never got what I needed (sex). I thought the discovery phase was long past. When I recently discovered the truth my husband is not interested in a sexual relationship with me. He is interested in a different lifestyle. Hmmmmmm…I no longer pressure him. I am trying to be happy and finding sex in another relationship. I plan on ending the sharade soon, and telling the truth. Something he should have done nine years ago.
My fiancee’ and I just read your article together. I have read it before and found it valuable. My fiancee’ is excited about the prospect of starting out our marriage on the right track by taking your ecourses and developing our intimacy and communication. This is the second marriage for both of us and we have learned lessons from our failed previous relationships, but we also understand there is more to learn and know about ourselves, and that self-knowledge is essential to maintaining a thriving relationship. Thank you so much for offering this article, so that people can help themselves achieve true loving relationships!
I always find your articles very informative and accurate. It tough for me I cannot attend your courses or coaches. I am a newly wed in South Africa (Cape Town).
I wonder if you have not considered extending you help and presence beyong US shores, to South Africa, maybe in the future? Think about that, maybe one US winter (SA summer), take a vacation and share your wisdom with us.
Thank you.
This is a great article. I had read it before and was glad to find it again in the newsletter.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I believe we are on stages 3-4, probably 4. We are committed; we moved in together 2 months ago. We know what we love about each other and what can annoy us. We are still learning about stage 4. We are very happy we met, but I have wondered if we have moved too fast. I feel we have not. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other, before we even held hands. But I know that one year seems too fast for many. Thank you for sharing this brilliantly written, very helpful article.
Thank you so much for the information. We will definitely put it to good use. Me and my partner are both divorced and would really want to make this relationship work. We are planning to get married soon.
Wilma – thank you!
This is an excellent article. It is all true, explained in a simple way. It also tells what you can do to improve the situation.
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