Right Help at the Right Time

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on December 16, 2012

in Break-ups and Divorce, Dating, Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Women's Help

Did you know that the discomfort you experience in being single or in your relationship can be significantly reduced?

Whether it’s a persistent sense of loneliness, disappointment, lack of communication, fighting or something else that causes you discomfort, you can reduce it – if you know how.

Here’s how:

Let’s imagine that you don’t feel well physically. At first, when you don’t feel well, you might try to ignore it with hope that you will feel better.

If you continue to not feel well, you may try some over the counter drugs, and perhaps try to get more sleep. If that doesn’t work, you might just ignore your body and function on top of not feeling well.

Maybe not feeling well becomes the new normal. You may think wistfully back to when you did feel well, but then you get busy and don’t have time to deal with it.

At some point, if you keep not feeling well, you might go to the doctor. Often the doctor will tell you that you now have something much more serious than you would have if you had come in sooner.

Did you know we do the same thing with being single and in our relationships?

If you are single and just not meeting the right person, it might be a very long time before it occurs to you that you could and should do something differently.

It may not occur to you that changing who you are on the inside will impact the type of people you attract and what happens in and with your relationships.

Even if you are a person who works on him or her-self, who’s into personal growth, a healthy lifestyle, and spirituality, you may be blind to certain facts.

It may not occur to you that there’s a level of personal work that you have not yet done, which is keeping you single. You may not know that with the right help, you can stop suffering about being single and relationships and have what you want.

If you are in a relationship or married, and experiencing relationship problems of any kind, you are very likely going to behave like the person described above with a health issue.

You will ignore the problem and hope it goes away. You might try some things, but if they don’t work, you might accept your relationship situation as the new normal. You will very likely adjust to it and try to function on top of it.

It might be a very long time, for some couples years, before it occurs to you to seek help. By the time you seek help, typically the two of you will be so mired in old conflicts that a therapist will not be able to help you. Many therapists simply tell couples embroiled in conflict to split up.

Even self-aware couples, even those in therapy, often don’t realize that the solutions to their relationship problems can be had, if only they got the right help, soon enough.

This brings me to the concept I want to introduce to you to help with all this. This concept comes from Landmark Education, a powerful personal work company. First, let’s look at this concept in action, in our examples:

  • If you are sick and could fairly easily feel better if only you would get the right help sooner, but you don’t know this, you will stay sick. This is because you don’t know that you could get better, don’t know that there’s help, and don’t know the right kind of help that will help you.
  • If you are single, and with the right personal work you could attract the right partner for you, but you don’t know this, you will stay single and suffer, much longer than necessary. Again, this is because you don’t now that you can do many things about attracting the right partner that is beyond trying harder or looking better. You also don’t know who can help you to do the right kind of personal work to attract the right person.
  • If you are in a relationship and starting to have problems, and could save or improve your relationship with the right help, but you don’t know this, you will struggle. The two of you might lose each other, even though you didn’t have to, if you got the right kind of help, at the right time.

Here’s the concept from Landmark Education:

When you are not aware that you don’t know something, you don’t know that you don’t know. The possibility of it never occurs to you, as it is not within the realm of what you know.

Here’s the magic:

Now you know that if you are struggling with being single or in your relationship, and if you would like to stop struggling, to feel better, to have the love you want, you can, with the right help.

You can significantly reduce the time you spend putting up with loneliness, disconnection, lack of communication, disappointment, annoyance, fighting, anger, hurt, pain, or whatever else is causing you suffering, with the right help.

The right help will allow you to see what’s causing your discomfort and struggle, and will give you the specific steps for you to take to create what you want instead.

You can be helped to see what you don’t see, and be shown what you don’t know, so that you can have more joy, satisfaction and love in dating or your relationship.

But you do have to make sure that you are getting the right help, at the right time, and usually sooner than you think.

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