Single? Here’s How to Change that by 2012.

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on January 3, 2012

in Singles Tips

SINGLES: It’s 2012. You are still single. Want to make sure you are in a relationship by 2013 or sooner? The most reliable way to change your relationship status is to change yourself, from the inside out. Changing the way you look, dress, or even the places you go won’t have as much impact as changing the way you think, feel, or what you are afraid off.

Can this be done? Yes, with some work. In other words, you can go from single to meeting the right person for you. But only if you change on the inside. But you have to know how to change. Internal change is not a matter or willpower. Just deciding to act differently or feel differently is not going to accomplish real internal change.

So tell me, if you could change your thoughts, feelings and fears, what would you change? Give me a thoughtful answer and I may choose you for a complimentary session to help you change!

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Jennifer January 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

Rinatta –

I have been single for roughly 6 years. I am ready to not be single any longer and it is my goal for 2012 to change that. During my divorce and thereafter I blamed my ex for many of the issues I had experienced and which had led to my divorce and since that time i have come to realize that the majority of the issues I experienced were because of my own personal fears. In my marriage I felt suffocated and controlled by my husband. I felt a significant loss of self. This caused so much anxiety and over time I pulled away from my husband, causing him to move in closer, which caused me to move farther away, and so on. In addition, I did everything I could to stay in control, and to keep my identity, some of these things I did were not good (lying, cheating). I pushed my husband farther and farther away just to get away from the anxiety I felt. I have learned recently that because of the experiences in my marriage (and that I was raised only by my mother) I have been inadvertently sabotaging myself and any relationship I may have because of these fears and anxiety. I know that I need to do a lot of work on my own issues before I can be ready to date or have a relationship, so that when I get anxious or scared, I don’t automatically run away or shut the other person off. I need to be comfortable with myself and my fears, but have a plan in place when things start feeling uncomfortable. These I have yet to solidify but I am aware and working on them as we speak. Any advise you can provide as I work on these fears is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,


Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries January 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Jennifer, thank you for sharing about yourself. Sounds like you are gaining lots of awareness, which is great. I am wondering what work you are doing to gain the awareness?

In terms of advice, I would say be aware of the difference between awareness and behavior change – these two don’t always go hand in hand. You may know you do something but be unable to stop yourself. What you want to work on is the actual change, where you act, choose, feel differently, naturally.

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