What To Do If You Are Not Meeting the Partner of Your Dreams

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on December 6, 2011

in Singles Tips

SINGLES: If you are not meeting the partner of your dreams, ask yourself  “What else can I do?” Make sure your answer includes what you can do internally, externally, and socially.

I say the most important things you can do to attract the right person are internal.

But, it’s Talk Back Week at Get Relationships Right. Talk back to me and tell me what you think. Every comment on my posts this week will be entered to win a Get Clarity Session or Couple’s Get Clarity Session.

Singles, Dating or Break up Recovery tips are posted every Tuesday. Want the tips delivered to you? Get them delivered by email, via RSS feed, or on Facebook.


L December 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

My former partner and I, who both claimed to be wanting partnership, recently ended our beautiful relationship of 2 years. We deeply loved each other, and I enjoyed sharing life with her. Unfortunately, she ceased to enjoy spending time with me and meeting my needs in the relationship, and said that she does not feel called to a committed relationship after all, unless we limit our time together to a few hours per week, in order to accomodate her needs for space and solitude. I know that I need more out of a relationship than a few hours per week, and I can see my underlying psychodynamics that led me to choose and attach to her. Next time I want to choose better, and choose someone who is truly available for a real relationship. I want to internally be available, with all that I have to offer, to meet and choose and build a relationship with someone who is also available, to create a long-term relationship that is grounded in commitment. What are your thoughts? (I’m hoping to win!)

Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries December 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I think that when you said “I want to internally be available, with all that I have to offer, to meet and choose and build a relationship with someone who is also available” you were being absolutely right!

Val Piacitelli December 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I hope I win, I need a free session! I believe that we need to examine ourselves in these three areas. Internally, we need to see who we are in relationships and what we bring to the table rather than what it is we desire. As a dating woman, I have found that is important to have an idea of what we want but not to limit ourselves from opportunities. I have been married 2x and learned from my marriages that ending a relationship does not necessarilly mean you are done with it. Grieving the losses, allowing yourself to grow and learn from the experiences and most importantly loving yourself first are paramount if you are planning another relationship. It has taken me 8 years to heal from a painful divorce and I am now ready to offer my heart wholly to another person. Externally, is connected to internally. If you have no regard for yourself, it will show in your appearance and self care. Lack of confidence, low self worth, show up not only in our thoughts but in our bodies as well. Eye to eye contact is vital if you desire to get to know another person. Caring for yourself means you eat well, sleep well, exercise, and take care of your body. Socially, we all need supports, friends, and outlets for our emotions. I tend to see this as a broader picture of interests and hobbies beyond your partner. I see this as building a relationship with yourself and sharing yourself with others. I attend Scrabble groups, Bunco, my work, hiking, my family, my art, my writing, yoga, many connections, so that I do not put all the pressure on my partner to fill my needs. I think spiritually there needs to be care also. This can be in the things you do socially or in how you connect to nature, people, places and things. Socially you must be willing to grow and challenge yourself so that you experience who you truly are. That’s my take on this subject and I thank you for inviting us to speak out.

Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries December 7, 2011 at 10:33 am

Val, you sound as if you are certainly on your way to attracting the right person. If you have not met him yet, I bet if I work with you I can help you find that key that will turn this around for you. Even if you are not the winner of the complimentary session, I invite you to consider scheduling a Get Clarity Session for yourself. The session is only $25, and given how ready you are to attract the right person, this might be the perfect time to get help to go that final mile to getting what you want.

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