Resentment – the Relationship Killer

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on September 21, 2012

in Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles

resentmentResentment is aged, accumulated anger or disappointment one person feels about something another person has done or failed to do.

When a person has a feeling of resentment, this feeling leads to certain predictable actions.

If you are resentful toward your relationship partner or vice versa, the person feeling resentful is likely to:

  • Stop trusting their partner as much
  • Stop feeling generous toward their partner
  • Feel less love for their partner
  • Stop enjoying your time together and want less intimacy

Do these behaviors sound like they would lead to a happy, satisfying relationship? How about greater intimacy, fun, joy, and sex? Obviously not!

The person feeling resentful steps partially out of the relationship, which means there’s less good stuff to be shared. It’s hard to have a great relationship while one person isn’t fully there.

And yet, most people ignore their own and their partner’s resentments and try to continue to have a good relationship, operating on top of the anger that’s there.

Can you be close to a person

when you know they hold unresolved anger towards you? Can you be close to someone who you know doesn’t feel compassion for you? Or who feels less love for you?

When resentment creeps into a connection between two people and settles in, it’s as if the grave is starting to be dug for the relationship. The relationship may take a long time to die. But once the resentment rot sets in, unless it’s cleared out, the end is near.

In order to have a loving, healthy, life long relationship both partners must learn how to let go of resentment.

Resentment is made up of old feelings of anger or disappointment. To let go of these old feelings you need to do something. That something could be writing a letter, setting a boundary, saying no, saying yes, doing something for yourself, etc.

To let go of the feeling you must take the action the feeling is pulling you towards. If you refuse to take the action for fear of rocking the boat, the feeling will persist and you won’t be able to let go of it.

Most people resist taking the action the resentment is pulling them towards for fear of angering their partner or even losing the relationship.

But here’s something to think about: Resentment pulls you away from the relationship which jeopardizes it’s survival. Rocking the boat may also endanger your relationship. Either way, you may lose.

Doesn’t it make more sense to take proactive steps, rather than allow the fear of something bad happening dictate your future? This way the resentment is cleared out, making room for the relationship you want to have, even if it ends up being with a different person.

Don’t let resentment kill your relationship. Learn to let it go and encourage your partner do the same!

Does your resentment feel sticky, in that you want to let it go but just can’t? I can help.

[stextbox id=”info”]Emotions like resentment can feel impossible to shift, which is where I come in. I can help you in personal, one-on-one sessions to authentically let the resentment go, so the loving relationship that is available for you can emerge!

If you are ready to let go of your resentment(s), set up a Get Clarity Coaching session with me to get started.[/stextbox]

Resentment – the Relationship Killer

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on March 18, 2010

in Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles

resentmentLet’s define resentment: Resentment is aged, accumulated anger or disappointment one person feels about something another person has done or has failed to do.

When a person has a feeling of resentment, this feeling leads to certain predictable actions. So if you are resentful at your relationship partner or he or she is resentful at you, here’s what is likely to happen:

  • The person feeling resentful stops trusting the other person as much
  • The person feeling resentful stops feeling generous towards the other person
  • The person feeling resentful doesn’t feel as much love towards the other person
  • The person feeling resentful no longer wants as much closeness with the other person
  • The person feeling resentful no longer enjoys time with the other person as much

Do these behaviors sound like they would lead to a happy, satisfying relationship? How about more closeness, intimacy, fun, joy, sex? If you said no, you are right!

The person feeling resentful steps out of the relationship a bit, which means there’s less good stuff in the relationship! It’s hard to have a great relationship while one person is somewhat absent.

And yet, most people ignore their own and their partner’s resentments and try to continue to have a good relationship, operating on top of resentment.

I always wonder how people think CONTINUE READING >>

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