The Atypical, Effective Response to Relationship Pain

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on November 2, 2014

in Affairs, Break-ups and Divorce, Dating, Heartbreak, Marriage, Relationships, Singles, Singles, Women's Help

Relationship PainPain is a part of the relationship journey. No one escapes heart-break of some sort, and in many cases, numerous heart breaks. However, how men and women typically handle relationship pain only makes their experience worse.

In this article I will show you how to engage relationship pain so that you can truly feel better and improve what happens in your relationship life at the same time.

First let’s define what I mean by relationship pain:

  • The pain of being single when you would rather be in a wonderful, loving relationship.
  • The relationship pain of not getting along with your partner, whether you two are fighting or having discord.
  • The pain of the relationship or marriage heading for the end with nothing seeming to help.
  • The pain of betrayal, such as a cheating partner.
  • The pain of a break-up or divorce, having to get over the person you thought of as the one.
  • Plus the myriad of other pains that men and women face in the journey of meeting and opening to their partner.

How men and women typically deal with relationship pain in these situations isby trying to shut down, push away, control, be more cautious and settle. Ultimately, they try to want and crave less from a relationship.

Going for less does not work. Here is why:

Walling up and pushing away does not protect you from relationship pain. When you use small-heart strategies you hurt more.

The pain will not be caused by other people. Instead, the pain will be from loneliness, disappointment, anger, the feeling of being cut-off and disconnected, that you, yourself create by trying to shrink your heart.

Pain caused by you is still pain and is no better than the pain caused by others. It will still make you miserable and even depressed.

The atypical way of dealing with pain that actually works:

In every case of relationship-related pain the effective solution is more. More emotional maturity, more healthy relationship behavior, healthier, productive communication, more clarity, more gratitude, more appreciation, more acceptance and more love.

Even though when we feel pain the desire is to become less, becoming more actually works far better. More skills, more choices, more alternatives, more openness will give you more of the relationship experience you want.

I invite you to deal with your relationship pain by asking yourself “What more does this situation need of me? How can I be more open, better skilled, more emotionally astute, so that I can create the relationship I want?”

Ready to end your relationship pain? Schedule your Get Clarity Telephone Coaching Session now to discover effective strategies, particular to you, for creating more of what you want in your relationship life.


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