How To Satisfy Your Need For Touch With No One To Touch You

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on February 8, 2013

in Break-ups and Divorce, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Singles

If you are single, you know the feeling of wanting to be held, touched, cherished; that need for passionate touch, comforting touch, any kind of touch – and the suffering that results from having no one to give it to you.

It’s not so well-known that many married people and people in relationships also suffer from the unfulfilled need for touch, physical comfort and passion. Their story is different from that of singles, and the reasons for the absence of touch in their relationship may be varied, from a good relationship gone bad to health issues involving one of the spouses.

The truth is, until you are in a loving, long-term, touchy-feely, intimate relationship, your need for touch will not be completely satisfied. Which is why ultimately you must resolve the relationship issues that are keeping you from having a loving, touchy-feely, long-term relationship. This article will help you get your need for touch met while you are resolving your other relationship issues.

Most of us crave touch and can’t live well without it. At times it can become excruciating to go without. So what does a person do when there is no one to meet your need for touch?

Below I give you suggestions for healthy ways to satisfy some of your cravings by yourself.

The need for touch is very much like the need for food. You may satiate yourself for today, but tomorrow the need will arise again. Be prepared when the need arises daily.

Pick a few suggestions below and practice them to keep your craving for touch at bay. Reducing your craving for touch will help you feel happier, be less stressed and make it easier to make better relationship choices.

Speaking of cravings, here are things NOT to do to get your need for touch met:

  • Do not hook up with an unavailable, married or otherwise involved person.
  • Do not settle for a relationship or a partner you don’t really want.
  • Do not cheat on your partner.

If you do any of these, you will end up with a little fun and a little touch, and then a whole lot of headaches and love trouble. When the love trouble starts the touch will go away and you will be brokenhearted and again without touch.

Healthy ways to satisfy your need for touch:

1. Stimulate your skin

One of the things you are missing when you don’t get enough touch is sensory stimulation of the skin. Help yourself by deliberately choosing the softest sheets, blankets and pillows, and very soft and even silky clothing. Pay attention to the objects that surround you throughout the day and see if you can bring in some items specifically pleasing to the touch.

2. Give yourself comfort and pleasure

Touch provides us with comfort and pleasure, and not just sexual pleasure. When you are not touched, it is hard to feel comforted and hard not to crave pleasure. To help, find ways to comfort yourself. Try a soothing cup of tea, a heart-centered meditation, listening to sweet music or reading poetry. Try going for a brisk walk to feel the pleasure of the sun or wind on your skin. Go for a swim to feel the sensation of water. Walk barefoot in the grass to feel the softness of the earth on your toes.

3. Get furry hugs

Even when you don’t have a lover to touch you, you still need to be hugged and cuddled – use a pet for this. Studies show that people with pets experience less stress. The act of petting an animal brings pleasure and provides a way to physically connect with a being that loves you. You could even take your pet to bed with you and cuddle it, especially if it’s a puppy or a kitten.

4. Pay someone to touch you

No, not like that! Find a nurturing and safe massage therapist and get a weekly massage. Many people resist going this route, as they feel uneasy having a stranger touch them. But if you find the right person, he or she will be able to comfort and nurture you in a respectful and fulfilling way. If money is an issue, call your local massage school to schedule an appointment at their clinic. At a school clinic you can get a great massage for about $25. If you like the person and help him or her build a practice, you may be able to get massages at that price for a very long time.

5. Give and get hugs

Hug and ask to be hugged by the people in your life. Hugs will help you meet your need for touch. Ask friends and family for hugs and give lots of them to your kids. Everyone will appreciate the extra touch, and everyone involved will be better off. (Needless to say, do not give hugs to folks who have not given you some level of permission to do so, and do not hug children you are not related to unless that child’s parent explicitly approves.)

6. Touch yourself

Yes, that way too. But primarily give yourself a foot, neck, or hand massage. Or climb into a bath and gently rub your skin with a loofah or a soft cloth.

7. Give yourself love

Give yourself time, attention and love. Take time out for yourself to do things you enjoy, even if you are busy. Tune out from the outside world daily and tune into what you feel, think and need. Say kind words to yourself. In my practice, I have many clients use a mirror and say kind things to themselves daily as way to give themselves love.

8. Move your body

Exercise, dance, walk. Moving your body will heighten your endorphins, make you fit and help you feel good about yourself. And moving simply feels good to the body. In the absence of touch, body pleasure is what you want to get more of.

Your need for touch is natural and normal. It will be great when someone wonderful in your life will hold, touch, and love you. Until that day, take care of your own need for physical touch using the suggestions above. You will find yourself happier, less hungry for touch, and less stressed.

To discover why you don’t have someone wonderful in your life, or why your someone wonderful is not meeting this need

– and what to do about it –

set up a Get Clarity Coaching Session and let me help you.



Serenity April 2, 2012 at 7:57 am

My primary love language is physical touch and it is my husbands last love language. When explaining my needs to him, I compare myself to a cell phone. It must be plugged in and recharged daily. If a “connection” isn’t made for me, my battery dies. If you only plug me in for 2 seconds with a hug or kiss, it does help but I don’t get a chance to fully recharge. Holding hands, cuddling on the couch, etc are perfect examples of “plugging in” for me. Cuddling is rare for us, but does SO much for my “battery”. I struggle with ideas for how to meet my own needs and found some helpful ideas on this site. If anyone has additional ideas I’d love to hear them.

Ed September 28, 2007 at 7:29 pm

Thanks for the suggestions! I thought i was crazy for feeling like my skin was crawling because of lack of touch. As if I shouldn’t feel this way. Thanks for some healthy ideas and actities to meet that need.

reiki master September 2, 2007 at 11:47 am

Very appreciate that. Thank you for that web site and your advices. Have a good day.

Lynn April 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm

Thanks for validating me. Married for 7 yrs, my husband still thinks I am “needy” and it is a social disorder for me to crave the touch of someone else. Oh yes! I have had the thoughts of an affair, but the cost isn’t worth it. I do feel as though I am dying inside. I once enjoyed hugging and touching but no longer. I’m afraid of being hurt again. Thanks again for your suggestions. I will heed them.

Serenity April 2, 2012 at 8:02 am

Thank you for sharing. I too relate to that “dying inside” feeling. I too fear the feeling of rejection when my husband pulls away and needs his space. Thankfully, once I get brave enough to open up and communicate with him, he is a great listener.

J July 19, 2006 at 7:50 pm

Thanks for the great tips and coming to my rescue Rinatta.

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