Issues and Solutions: Single, Relationship & Marriage, Breakup & Divorce

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on April 19, 2013

in Break-ups and Divorce, Dating, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Women's Help

Single Man or Single Woman Issue: I want to attract the right partner for me. I am tired of being alone.
Goal: Finally meet the right person!
Solution: To attract the right partner, you have get into life with passion, and participate in a much wider community.

Many single men and women do things to meet other singles, but they do so half-heartedly, without a whole lot of joy or passion. Think about people you have met who are into something, whether it is a business they are excited about, a marathon they are running, a cause they are serving, or the way they are eating. They are turned on, passionate, their excitement is contagious! These people are attractive because of the way they are living their life. Being engaged in this way they are much more likely to meet the right partner for them faster.

Additionally, you need to expand your community and enlarge your circle of friends significantly. Many singles will tend to do things with their close-knit group of friends, without getting out into the wider community. If you are going to meet the right person for you, you need to be places you have never been, meeting people you have not yet met.

Singles typically have other, internal, issues that are keeping them out of a lasting, loving relationship. But while these internal issues are being worked on, living life with passion and expanding your community is the key to meeting more like-minded people among whom you may find the right person for you.

You will know you are doing it right when you are participating in group activities that make you happy, with a diverse group of people among whom even acquaintances feel like your tribe.

Dating Issue: How to make your current relationship work out
Goal: Keep the new relationship you are in and help it blossom into a long-term loving partnership.
Solution: Learn healthy relationship skills.

Great, long-lasting relationships take people with relationships skills.

If you are dating someone with whom you have attraction, passion, even love, but either one or both of you lack good relationship skills, you will not end up in a good relationship.

What you will end up in is a relationship with passion and attraction plus pain, drama, upset, disappointment, confusion, or resentment. This will happen even if both of you are committed to having a great relationship.

If you don’t have the skill set to ride a bike, you will not be able to ride the bike, no matter how much you may want to. Relationships skills are no different. Until you learn them, you can’t create a healthy relationship.

This means that before you fantasize about how great your relationship future is going to be with your new partner, take a look at both of your relationship skills.

  •     Are both of you clear on what to do to build a healthy relationship?
  •     Do both of you know how to treat people you are close to well?
  •     Are both of you good at communication and conflict resolution?

If not, and you want a great, healthy relationship, it’s time to upgrade your skills.

You will know your relationship skills are up to par when your communication flows smoothly, hurt feelings are resolved quickly, and you walk away from difficult conversations feeling closer to each other. Then you will know you are moving in the direction of a healthy, viable, long-term relationship.

Relationship Issue: We are not as close as we used to be. We are not as passionate as we used to be.
Goal: Bring you back to feeling close and passionate about each other again.
Solution: To reignite passion and bring back the feeling of closeness, take a look at how much time you are spending together and what you are doing during the time you have together. Especially, take a look at whether you are still courting/dating each other.

Remember courting or dating? You cleaned up, dressed up, thought about your partner and what you would do together. You cleared your emotional and mental space for your partner before you got together. Remember what else you did and what your partner did?

To keep your relationship vital, and both of you feeling connected and passionate about each other, you have to keep courting and dating each other, regardless of how many years you have been together.

In my practice, when I work with couples who are feeling distant, I prescribe a weekly date night, in addition to other work we are doing to heal the relationship.

It might be difficult to want to court each other when there is resentment between you and your partner. If this is the case, the two of you need to work to clear those feelings.

You will know things between you are getting better when both of you want to spend time together again and are willing to court each other.

Breakup & Divorce Issue: I can’t let go of my ex. I feel bad and want to feel good. I am afraid that I will never meet anyone again.
Goal: Let go of your ex, clear your mind, go back to enjoying your life again. Feel hopeful and certain that you will meet the right person for you.
Solution: One of the important steps in letting go of a past relationship is to clearly understand why it ended. When you understand exactly what happened, you will be clearer about how your choices impacted the relationship, and certain that you can make different choices to have a more positive relationship experience next time.

Understanding what happened requires that you take a sober look at what both of you brought into the relationship and how the two of you interacted together. You have to understand all the components that brought about the breakup.

In recovering from breakup or divorce, knowledge is very much power. The power to feel good again, to get up and go back to your life, and to open to a new relationship again.

You will know you are starting to recover when you have fewer thoughts about your ex and more thoughts about your future.  You feel happier and more positive in your life again, and enjoy thoughts of meeting someone new.


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Are you…

  •     Tired of being single?
  •     Tired of dating the wrong people?
  •     Frustrated with lack of connection and/or passion in your relationship or marriage?
  •     Done with feeling pain of breakup or divorce?

Find out how you can get a jump-start on creating THE relationship you want in a Get Clarity Coaching Session.

Your dating or relationship experiences will change FOR THE BETTER!



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