The Inner Game of Relationships

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on July 7, 2013

in Articles, Dating, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Women's Help

You get to have the kind of relationship you want when you attend to the inner game of relationships.

“Inner game” means what’s happening in your head and how you perceive relationships and yourself. This is what ultimately determines whether your romantic relationships work or not.

The problem with this is that even when your perceptions about relationships are skewed, negatively affecting your relationships and making you unhappy, you won’t know it.

Your “inner game” – your perception – feels normal and right to you. Even when it causes you to work against yourself, creating relationship pain and strife, it still feels natural.

Take for example a man who wants to have a healthy relationship, but backs up from his partner at the first sign of conflict. The more he backs up, the more conflict he experiences, as his partner becomes increasingly agitated by his withdrawal.

His inner game of relationships tells him that conflict is bad, means the relationship could be over, and in cases like this the safest move is to withdraw.

If instead his perception was more balanced, he would realize that some conflict is a part of being in a relationship and could mean nothing more than a misunderstanding. He would also know that backing away from his partner will create more conflict, not less. He would know that the right relationship move during conflict is to work towards mutual understanding.

What would happen to a relationship if both partners worked towards mutual understanding, instead of withdrawing from each other? They would likely become closer, creating a stronger bond and resulting in a much happier relationship.

Let’s take an example of a single woman whose perception as to why she is not in a relationship is that she’s not good enough.  She can’t point to what exactly she’s lacking, yet her inner game of relationships tells her that she’s lacking something.

If instead she shifted her inner game and found herself simply ok, she would be able to wonder why she’s not in a relationship and perhaps come up with a legitimate answer she can do something about. For example, she might observe that singles’ attitude about relationships has a whole lot to do with whether they attract potential partners or not.

Singles who desperately want a relationship typically push potential partners away. Singles who are ok with being alone, but are open to a relationship tend to attract more potential partners.

Now it’s your turn to look at your inner game. What inner perceptions about yourself, men, women, and relationships do you hold as absolute truth that don’t serve you? What do you believe that puts you at cross purposes with what you want in a relationship? How do you sabotage what you want in your relationships?

[stextbox id=”red_box”]Know you need to work on your inner game of relationships, but don’t know how to start or what to do?

The Get Clarity Coaching Session is designed to help you clearly see your inner game of relationships and begin to shift it right from the very first session. To experience that shift and clarity, set up your Get Clarity Coaching Session now.[/stextbox]



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