How to Have Happy Holidays while Alone or in a Difficult Relationship

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on December 13, 2013

in Break-ups and Divorce, Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Women's Help

Enjoying the holidays may be difficult when the relationship situation in your life is not exactly what you want, or worst yet, if you feel heartbroken.

You may feel more lonely and disconnected than usual, as it may look like everyone but you is enjoying closeness and happiness.

You can certainly try to make yourself happier with over-shopping, over-drinking and overeating. But these just lead to feelings of regret, and ultimately exacerbates any loneliness you feel.

Instead, try a different approach. Follow the 3 guidelines below to make sure you have a happy holiday season, regardless of your relationship situation, without any overindulging.

1. Happier Holidays through Accepting What Is

You know the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” ? This is how both singles and women and men in relationships often feel.

I coach many singles who cannot wait to be in a relationship. They suffer deeply about being single, as if it is a barely manageable disease. I also coach men and women in relationships who fantasize about being single and how much better that would be than the relationship difficulties they face.

Would it not be better to be where you are and enjoy it, while still aiming for what you want next?

Life feels more satisfying when you can find pleasure right here, in this moment, even if this moment does not have all you want. And interestingly, the thing you want next is easier to obtain when you can enjoy what is in your life right now.

If you are single, or even if you have just gone through a breakup, get the most out of being unattached. Do the things only single people can do, such as going where you please when you please. If you are working on yourself you are not going to be single for very long, so enjoy the gift of time and freedom you have right now.

If you are in a relationship enjoy what is good about it, while working on getting more of what you want out of it. The more you can enjoy your relationship right here and now, the more appreciated your partner will feel and the more you will be given by him or her to enjoy.

2. Happier Holidays through being True to Yourself.

When people are not doing what we want them to do, we can become over-focused on trying to force them to be different. Singles will often concentrate on what the people they date are doing or not doing. A man or woman in relationship will often focus to the point of obsession on what their partner is doing or not doing.

Being upset about or trying to control what others are doing is a pointless enterprise. We have no power over others, only over ourselves.

This is why I ask my clients to wholly focus on themselves and what they are doing, how they are being and what they are thinking, rather worrying about others. This is equally useful for singles and people in relationships.

If you focus on being your most authentic self, not for the sake of eliciting any kind of response from others, but as an act of self-expression, you will feel happier and more satisfied. This happiness and satisfaction will come from within you, as opposed to being dependent on someone else. That is a happiness you can rely on at any time, regardless of what is or is not happening in your relationships.

Asking yourself questions like, “What do I feel right now”, “What do I need right now?”, “What do I want from this situation?”, and “What can I do to make myself happy right now?” will give you a good place to start being more true to yourself.

3. Happier Holidays through Meeting Your Social Needs.

The holiday season is a time of social gatherings and parties. Yet, for many singles and people in difficult relationships it is a time of isolation.

The problem with isolation is that your psyche experiences it the same way as your body experiences starvation. If you isolate yourself socially, you will be starving for attention, connection and meaningful interaction with others. It is nearly impossible to feel happy or even ok when you are socially starving.

Don’t let isolation rob you of the joy you could be feeling during the holidays. Even if you don’t feel like it, go find a way to be with other people in a meaningful way.

Here are some ideas for finding meaningful connections:

  • Meaningful connections can be made doing volunteer activities
  • Or while engaging in something you feel passionate about
  • Some find it easiest to make connections while relaxing in a social setting, such as a bar or party.

Whatever makes it easier for you to connect with people, and regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship, give yourself the gift of those connections.

One particularly good website to help you do just that is Take a look at the website, join a group and go meet other people with similar interests who are also looking for social connections, in person.

If you’d like to be in a different place next year, so when the holidays come you are in a happy, loving relationship that meets your needs for closeness, schedule a Get Clarity Coaching session today. Gain real insight into exactly how to create the relationship you wish you had now, so it’s there for you next Christmas.




Gerald M. Perkins December 15, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Very smart, compassionate and well timed!

Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries December 17, 2013 at 11:03 am

Thank you!

Previous post:

Next post: