When we think about having a happy relationship, we often think about what our partner can or will do to make us happy. And to a certain extent, this is correct. When other people behave in ways that please us, we often feel happy.
But what if your relationship can be happy, even when your partner does not behave in ways that please you? Then you could achieve a general sense of happiness that does not rise and fall with your pleasure and displeasure about his or her behavior. Doesn’t that sound better than going up or down emotionally, depending on what your partner is doing or not doing?
What if your relationship could be based on an undercurrent of happiness and love automatically? Don’t you think that would make for a happy relationship?
How to achieve this undercurrent of happiness and love is not something you will discover in popular magazine relationship advice columns, or even in many personal development books.
And this is what I am going to share with you here – and why I call this information the hidden secrets to a happy relationship.
Four hidden secrets to a happy relationship
Secret 1: Do not react to your partner – no matter what
Regardless of what your partner says or does, no matter how you feel about it, do not react. Instead stay calm or get calm, and think about how you want to respond. Never take impulsive action in your relationship. Before you say or do something that will be hard to take back, get calm and think.
Respond or take action only when you are sure that you are calm and when you have thought about the consequences of what you are about to do. Respond or take action only if you like what will happen as a result of what you choose to do.
Secret 2: See your partner as precious, important or valuable
How do you treat people who are precious, important or valuable to you?
Think about your boss, or an employee at a store or a business who has the power to give you what you want. Don’t you go out of your way to treat them well, so that you can get what you want?
Your partner has the power to give you much of what you want, which means you always need to treat him or her as the most important person in your life.
Please be aware that thinking of your partner as precious, important or valuable is not the same as treating him or her that way. Your thoughts must be followed by actions that unmistakably show your partner that you see his or her as precious, important or valuable.
Secret 3: Take care of yourself and your happiness first, as much as possible
You matter. Your happiness and your emotional well-being matters. Do not pin your happiness, your sense of peace, your sense of aliveness, on your partner. Instead, be responsible for your own happiness.
What this means is that it is your job to make yourself happy. If your partner does something you like, let that add to your general sense of well-being. If he or she does something you don’t like, don’t let it detract too much from your general sense of well-being.
Practice being happy and satisfied by focusing on the good in your life and in your relationship. Many relationships seem dissatisfying and not OK, until we lose them. Don’t let that be you!
Secret 4: If something is not working in your relationship, get help
So much of the time men and women in relationships struggle with what’s not working without much success.
But the more you struggle with each other regarding what’s not working, the more you damage your good feelings about each other and your relationship. Struggling with each other fills the relationship with resentment. After a while, there’s so much resentment, that even when the two partners love each other, they stop wanting to be together. Don’t let this happen in your relationship!
Get help before you ever get to that place. It’s better to get help too soon, rather than too late.
These four secrets can seem so easy and superficial, you may be tempted to dismiss them as useless. Alternatively, they can seem so hard to implement, that you may be tempted to dismiss them as impossible.
But they are neither useless nor impossible. They truly are the four hidden secrets to a happy relationship. These secrets are key enough to general relationship happiness and satisfaction, that I suggest you invest a significant amount of time and effort working on them.
But don’t just take my word for it. Ask someone who’s in a wonderful relationship, where there’s still love and passion, what they think about these secrets. And then act accordingly.
Save Your Relationship program for men and women in a relationship or marriage:
Is your relationship on the brink of divorce or a breakup? Want to save it? You may have tried to save it on your own, or even tried therapy, without good results. Try again in coaching – completely different from what you experienced before – more powerful and results-oriented. Experience relationship changes – for the better – from the very first session!
If you can’t get your partner to come into coaching, you can make significant changes in your relationships on your own.
To try working with me as your coach on your relationship as a couple, set up a couples Get Clarity Coaching session. To try coaching as an individual, set up an individual sample Get Clarity session.