How to get dating and relationships right

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on August 26, 2012

in Articles, Dating, Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Women's Help

Helping men and women get dating, relationships and marriage right is my life’s work. In this article I am going to show you what you need to do to get what you want out of relationships.

  • Did you know that romantic relationships – dating, relationships and marriage – is the only activity we engage in during adulthood, where we give ourselves complete freedom to do as we want, without considering the consequences of our actions?
  • Did you know that romantic relationships – dating, relationships and marriage – is the only activity in our adult life where we let our emotions control our actions, allowing ourselves to act impulsively on a regular basis?
  • Did you know that romantic relationships – dating, relationships and marriage – is the only area of adult life where people use the excuses “I could not help it,” “I just wanted to,” and “I couldn’t stop” and believe these excuses completely?

What do you think the consequences are to your romantic relationships – dating, relationships or marriage – if you act as if you have complete freedom to do as you want and allow your emotions to control your actions? And then believe that you can’t do anything differently, that in fact the dating, relationship or marriage choices you are making are the only choices you are capable of making?

The consequences of all this is the state of romantic relationships today. We have serial monogamy, where people come together for periods of time and then break up, causing each other terrible heartbreak. We have marriage and family breakups, with all their negative financial and child-rearing consequences. We have hordes of singles who can’t find partners. And we have many, many unhappy relationships and marriages, where people stay together, but don’t know how to make their relationships work right.

I want to help you avoid all this. I want to help you get your dating, relationship or marriage right.

What do I mean by “getting dating, relationship or marriage right?”

  • I mean that if you want good results in dating, relationship or marriage, there are specific actions you should or should not be taking.
  • If you want good results in dating, relationship or marriage, you need to make the right choices. Because the choices you make, in terms of what you do or don’t do, are what give you the relationship you want or the relationship situation you hate.
  • If you want a good, or even great relationship, you need to know that your excuses and explanations of your behavior are irrelevant. In relationships, just like in other arenas of adult life, direct, predictable consequences follow your actions.

This is why getting relationships right is so important. Getting relationships right, as in knowing what to do and doing it, is THE thing that will give you the kind of relationship you want.

So why don’t people get relationships right all the time? Why isn’t everyone in a great relationship? Here’s why.

For some reason we believe that in relationships we should behave “naturally,” as in according to our true nature, according to our drives and impulses.

We do not believe this about work, money, parenting, health, or even housekeeping. No one is convinced that they should not work if they don’t want to. Few now believe that they should beat their children whenever they feel like it. Everyone knows that if you spend unwisely you will be in financial trouble. We are told constantly what the consequences of not taking care of our health will be. And people with “natural” housekeeping habits are put on TV shows like “Hoarders.”

But the message that if you don’t make the right choices in relationships your relationships will fail, has not gotten through to our mass consciousness yet. Instead, as a culture we try to justify or accept “natural” behavior. We do not realize that this is akin to justifying or excusing smoking, obesity or credit card debt.

Yes, natural behavior is OK. No one is judging. You can do what you want. But you are not going to get the life that you want when you make choices to live by your “natural” drives.

So here’s the bottom line.

You are free to do as you wish in relationships. But you are unlikely to have a good relationship unless you get relationships right.

There are three things that stand in your way of getting relationships right.

  • You need to understand that relationships are no different from any other arena of adult life. They are just like work, parenting, money, health, etc. What you do creates the results you get. If you want different results, take different, right action.
  • You need to know what right action to take for your situation.
  • You need to be able to overcome your inner resistance and obstacles to taking the right action. You will start out being a person who wants to do what feels “natural” in relationships, but in order to get relationships right, you will need to become a person who wants to do what is “right” in relationships. This is called emotional and relational maturity.

And of course this is what I do with clients in my coaching practice.

I coach clients to help them see that there are in fact ways to get relationships right. I show them the right actions to take in their situations, and teach them how to know the right actions to take in any dating or relationship situation. I help them overcome inner obstacles to taking the right action. I lead clients through personal growth processes to help them reach emotional and relational maturity.

So here’s a challenge for you, to help you begin to get your relationships right. Work through the following questions with your dating or relationship situations:

  • Consider what is the right action to take in your dating, relationship or marriage situation. What will get you the results you want?
  • How can you be certain that what you define as the right action is actually the right action? Whom can you get feedback from, whose opinion on relationships do you trust?
  • Finally, if you are certain about the action you need to take, can you emotionally get on board with the action that will give you what you want? And if not, why not and what can you do to shift your emotional state?

You can get relationships right, if you follow the steps I have outlined for you. If you work at it, you can end up having the kind of a relationship you want.

[stextbox id=”info”]I am a dating and relationship coach. This means that my work is similar to a therapist, only better, faster, deeper and with more real change you can see and feel in your relationship situation.

I work with singles, individuals in relationships and marriages, and with couples.

You can sample what it’s like to work with me by setting up an in-person or telephone introductory 30-minute coaching session. I call it the Get Clarity Session. Because that’s what you will get – clarity about your situation.

Want to know more and see if the Get Clarity Session is something you want to try? Go here for individual session info or here for couple’s session info.[/stextbox]

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