Single men and women long for a heart-centered relationship. Those in difficult relationships long for more connection with their partner.
In both cases, men and women suffer because they are unclear on what to do to end their relationship pain and create the relationship they want.
Yet, while personal details may vary, there is a fairly clear path to creating a healthy, joyful heart-fulfilling relationship.
The 8 specific steps of the path to end relationship suffering and create the relationship you want are listed below. As you read them, check in with yourself. What on this list is a work in progress and how are you working on it? What are you still needing to work on what’s missing so that you can start? Resources to help you do them are included in the 8 steps.
1. Know what you want in a relationship and from a partner and why.
Single or in a relationship, know what you want from a partner. Along with that, know what you want to create in your relationship.
For example, if you want a partner with a sense of humor, it’s because you want to laugh and enjoy life with your partner. Is a sense of humor enough to enjoy life? It’s a good start, but you will need more than that. What else will you need from a partner in a relationship to enjoy life?
Knowing clearly what you need from a partner is more difficult than it sounds. To get clear on what you need schedule a Get Clarity Coaching Session so that I can help you.
2. Believe you will get what you want.
For many people the sense of what they can expect out of life and in a relationship is dictated by their experience. The human tendency to recreate what we already know is now actually now proven by neuroscience. In other words, what you experience is a reflection of your beliefs, not the reflection of the world as it is.
You need to believe something different to experience something different.
Start by making up a new story about your experience to alter your beliefs. This is called re-storying and it is a powerful way to change your perspective and your life experience.
Re-storying on your own can be difficult from within your current belief system. This is often something I help clients accomplish in a Get Clarity Coaching Session.
3. Become emotionally clear and healthy in regard to relationships.
Let go of the emotional baggage around your relationship history and become healthy enough to be able to create the kind of relationship you want.
Nearly everyone has relationship issues to resolve in order to create a satisfying, close, loving relationship. These issues are not going to go away unless you work on them intentionally. The sooner you start to effectively work through your issues the sooner you will be able to create the relationship you have always wanted.
To get started on effectively working through your relationship issues set up a Get Clarity Coaching Session.
4. Grow your emotional maturity and resilience.
Learn to effectively deal with your emotions and those of others. Learn to breathe when you are having
feelings. Learn to know you are ok when things don’t go your way or when you don’t get what you want. Learn to be ok even when you are hurt or disappointed.
These are big things to do, but they are important. Creating a healthy, loving relationship depends on your emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is not something that just happens. There are steps in the process and tools that make it doable. To learn these steps and tools, start by setting up a Get Clarity Coaching Session.
5. Know and understand how relationships work, so that you can take every possible step to make certain your relationship works out.
Understand relationships, how they grow and develop, and how to keep a relationship or marriage healthy and thriving.
The facts about how relationships work and what you need to do to create a healthy relationship can be learned, just like facts about healthy living, or smart money management can be learned.
Take the time to learn how relationships work so that you are not stumbling in the dark when it comes to your deepest need for love and connection. Check out The 8+ Stages of Relationships for an in-depth, practical guide to how relationships develop and what they need to thrive at every stage.
6. Take courageous action in relationships.
Dare to do that thing you are afraid to do. Dare to say the thing you want to say. Dare to go to that event you want to go to. Dare to ask that person out you are afraid will say no. Dare to reach out and hold your partner’s hand even when you are afraid of rejection. Dare to speak the words of love even when you are hurting.
Don’t take crazy risks, but do take the right risks. Risk doing the right thing and it will pay off in you having the kind of relationship you want.
My clients often love the fact that I can be the coach in their pocket, a text, email or coaching call away, as they take smart relationship risks. To see if working with me as your coach is the right thing for you, start by scheduling a Get Clarity Coaching Session.
7. Choose wisely.
Learn to choose your partner, your actions and your words wisely; knowing that everything you do has long-term consequences for you and the people in your life. Impulsive choices are fun, but there’s always a cost.
For example calling your partner a name in a heated argument shatters trust. The words can be forgiven, but the hurt will remain. In a more serious example, getting into a relationship with a partner you know you should not be with will have painful consequences for you, your partner, and others around you.
Use your heart and your head together to make the best relationship choices.
8. Slow down to understand yourself and others.
Slow down and take time to understand yourself – your needs, wants, issues, quirks. Then slow down even more to understand your partner or potential partners. Don’t rush in relationships. Remember, fools rush in. Be smart, go slowly.
And know that you can get help along the way. A healthy, wonderful, loving relationship is one of your primary needs. Make sure you have the support you need to make it happen in your life. Schedule your Get Clarity Coaching Session now to get started.