5 Things You are Doing that Are Keeping You Single

by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries on July 20, 2015

in Articles, Break-ups and Divorce, Dating, Heartbreak, Marriage, Men's Help, Relationships, Singles, Singles, Women's Help

whats keeping you singleDo you feel frustrated because you want a loving, connected, extraordinary relationship, yet remain single? I have good and bad news for you.

The bad news is that you probably don’t realize this, but there are things you are doing that stop the right person from coming into your life. The good news is that I am going to show you  exactly what these are and suggest what you can do instead. Reading this article will increase your chances of meeting the right partner and creating the right relationship for you.

The 5 things you are likely doing that are keeping you single:

1. You present an overly self-sufficient public persona

If you are like most singles, you do not want to be perceived as needy or desperate. In the effort to avoid these you present a persona that comes off as closed off, self-sufficient and needless.

What you can do: Neither men nor women will consider a relationship with a person they can’t give to in some way. Everyone wants to feel needed and contribute to others. What works best for your public persona is one that is a closer fit to who you truly are, showing both your ability to be independent and your need for others.
2. You misread potential partners

If you are like most singles, you will tend to misread the right people as wrong for you and see the wrong people as right for you. The explanation of how this happens is based on the relationship wiring of your brain. Believing this is not true for you won’t make it untrue.

What you can do: The most effective way to overcome your biological relationship wiring is to become highly conscious of how and why you choose relationship partners. What works best here is careful observation and rewiring of your thinking, emotions and relationship patterns.

Coaching and good therapy are often very useful in this process. In my coaching practice I often help clients see their major relationship patterns in their very first 30-minute Get Clarity Session.

3. Secretly afraid, you sabotage connections

Fear is a normal part of the mating process. Everyone wanting to create a relationship is afraid of being hurt, disappointed or rejected. Unfortunately, fear can make you act in ways that sabotage a potential relationship. In some instances, after the relationship is damaged beyond repair, you might see what you did to sabotage it. In other instances, you may never see the ways in which you sabotaged the potential relationship.

What you can do: Because you may not be aware of the impact you are having on the relationship in the moment, it is best to take your time when reacting. It’s a good idea to take a much, much longer than you think you need to decide whether your next word or action will serve your desired outcome.

4. To stay safe, you keep busy with solitary interests

Work, books, movies, television, hobbies, the internet and pets are all interesting and stimulating pursuits. They make it easy to tolerate or ignore the loneliness of being single by keeping you busy and engaged. These are also great ways to stay emotionally safe, without risking the turmoil of a relationship.

What you can do: Staying safe and loneliness go hand in hand. Challenge your desire for safety. Get out and engage with people in real time even though you may not feel completely safe. The chief way to attract the right partner is to get to know and interact with more people, especially people who have similar interests and lifestyle to yours.

5. You think finding a partner should be easy and natural

Because some men and women meet their right partner at grocery stores, work or school, you are likely believe that you should meet your right partner in the course of living your life. When this does not happen you might believe that something is wrong with you, with the world around you, or even with your destiny.

What you can do: In reality, most singles meet their right partner as a result of intentionally investing significant time and effort in the process. Meeting the right partner and learning how to build a healthy relationship is unlikely to happen if you continue to do what you have always done. You must be willing to significantly push your comfort zone in many ways to give yourself the gift of the kind of relationship you want.

The above list is common to most singles. But there are probably at least 10 more things you are doing that are more specific to you, that keep you out of a relationship.

In as a little as 30 minutes into your Get Clarity Coaching session I can show you what these are, and give the insight you need to start to change your behavior. To schedule your Get Clarity telephone, Skype or in person coaching session, go here.



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